Sexual abuse in the local church...
It’s sickening that such words are in the same sentence.
Sadly, this isn’t breaking news anymore.
In fact, we recently learned of another scandal with the Catholic Church, the sexual abuse of nuns. This on top of the years of reports of sexual abuse by priests and the cover-up by Catholic leaders.
Then this week happened—the 3-part series by the Houston Chronicle regarding sexual abuse and cover-up by churches and leaders in the Southern Baptist Convention. This piece uncovers 20 years of 380 leaders accused, 700 victims, more than 100 youth pastors convicted or charged in sex crimes.
Read it at your own risk. But read you must.
And weep.
To read some of the actual court interviews of the victims, and their comments in the article will break all your heart.
And enrage you.
This. In a church.
And for me personally, in a Southern Baptist church.
Though I’ve been a pastor of a non-denominational church in New York for nearly 10 years, my roots are deep in the Southern Baptist tradition.
I’m from Alabama.
I grew up in a Southern Baptist church—a wonderful church with godly leaders and pastors. Many supported and loved me through the worst. My youth pastor was my mentor and a close friend still.
I received my seminary degree from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. A seminary that was foundational for my theological and pastoral training that plays a huge part in how I pastor, lead, and preach today.
Today, most of my church-going family living in the south are members of Southern Baptist churches.
This hits really close to home. As a pastor, the issue always has, but this feels like it happened with family.
I’m shaken and heart-broken for the people who look to pastors for pure-hearted compassion, care, love, and support only to find wolves in sheep’s clothing. Trusted church leaders who then take advantage of someone’s trust or vulnerability and violating them in the most devastating way possible—spiritually. The worst form of abuse. Spiritual abuse… especially through sexual misconduct.
I’m struggling to find the point of this post. As a pastor, I’m just compelled to declare all this news for what it is—evil and catastrophic. For those involved, and for the reputation of the local church, the cause of Christ, Christianity, and pastors like me.
Pastors and church leaders, protect your church from you. In every way, including sexually. Protect by fleeing from and repenting of pornography. For the love of God, His Church, and the people who trust you, get control of your lusts. Get professional help. If you are in sexual sin of any sort, confess before God, and repent before your leaders, elders, spouse. And get help! If you have committed sexual misconduct, now is the time to bring it into the light. Though consequences will most likely follow, those victimized can perhaps experience a measure of healing through your confession and contrition. Likewise, you might find true freedom of the soul that has evaded you.
I’m proud of Grace Community Church, the church I pastor. Though not the perfect church, we do our best. We work with lawyers and authorities on how best to protect people in the church, especially the most vulnerable. We have policies, protections, background-checks, accountability, systems, and protocols in place to protect the flock of God—even from, God forbid, the shepherds of God. We do all we know to do on this side of heaven.
But I must be frank, foolproof protection on this side of heaven is an illusion. I have to face this reality regarding my own church that I love and pastor. Gut-wrenching.
Parents, communicate with your children. Be in their lives. As a pastor, I grieve in my soul to have to say this, but churches have proven they aren’t the safest place either. My God, they should be. But we need to confront reality. Churches have sinners. Some overcome by their sin. Some of them we’ve seen this week are church leaders.
I have talked with my kids throughout their young lives with a view toward schools, buses, and yes, my church. I’ve asked them: “Has anyone ever touched you in the wrong way? In places that are private? Has anyone ever said something to you that was inappropriate?” As teenagers, Christie and I review their social media, texts, and the like too. We check who they are dialoguing with on Fortnite.
It’s sad, but the truth is you can’t blindly trust institutions that should be trusted. You must do your due diligence to protect your family.
Pastors and congregants, we must labor and do all we can to protect our children, teenagers, and those vulnerable in our midst. Perhaps a good place for churches (and parents) to start is reading this piece: The way forward: How can Southern Baptist churches and parents help prevent sexual abuse?
Despite it all, I am hopeful, very hopeful, for the cause of Christ and His Church. Perhaps God is seeing fit to do a deep purging of evil, beginning with church leaders and pastors. History proves that the church may be sent reeling, but it always comes back standing stronger. And so does the gospel hope of Jesus.
I’m praying, and pastoring, toward that day.
God help us.
Dear Pastor,
Thank you. You said you are struggling to find the point of this post. Perhaps it is because for many of us, even the thought of this subject makes us want to vomit. It is good just the way you wrote it – every bit of very deep hurt and sorrow came through in your words. And we got the message.
We do have to protect not only our children, but those around us everyday. It truly is a spiritual war. I cannot tell you how many times I have followed little children at a distance running around Walmart’s or around a mall until I saw them reach their parents who were maybe texting or rummaging through a sales rack. When I gently pleaded with them to watch their child more closely, most of them looked like they could care less. I found one little toddler ready to exit the mall by herself with a security guard standing several feet away with his back to the door while he chatted with the salesgirl at the kiosk. A few months ago after church, I pulled my car over on Route 94 and jumped out as I noticed two little toddlers walking along the highway on the other side by themselves. Eventually, the mother who was quite a ways up the highway in the park obviously realized they were gone and came over after I grabbed their hands to walk them to her with cars all around us. Sexual predators can hang around a mall and spot a ‘vulnerable’ kid a mile away – whether it is a child wandering alone or a fatherless kid. They have radar for vulnerability and it only takes a matter of seconds for a child to disappear. I am amazed so many children still get left alone in the car – even for just a few minutes.
I’m sure you and the readers probably know all this but sexual predators many times are relatives. They can also be pastors and other church leaders. Doctors. Teachers. Men. Women. Girls. Boys. The man playing Santa Claus. The kids’ ham radio club leader. Scout leaders. They can really be almost anyone.
A few months ago, I destroyed some articles I saved from the 1980s. One I will never forget was from one of the New York papers. I cannot remember all the details, but children were telling stories of molestation aboard a spaceship. Of course that seemed a made-up tale – until the police found a janitor’s basement fully equipped to look like a spaceship. And there he performed his heinous deeds. I would encourage everyone to not discount a child’s story because it seems too “out there”. Listen to the children.
I recently wondered what a certain book was about which has been on the Top 10 list for many weeks. I looked it up and found it was written by a Christian and checked it out at Barnes and Noble. I glanced through a little of several chapters, and when I came to a part about sex, it seemed the author was able to pick and choose what was acceptable in the ‘undefiled bed’ and what wasn’t. Truly, if someone is familiar with the character of God Almighty and with the full scope of the Scriptures, he or she would know in the spirit that some of the things today that many accept as sexual enjoyment must truly grieve the heart of God. I decided right then to put the book away and not purchase it.
I have heard of many Christian women who think it is ‘O.K.’ to view pornography with their husbands. It is ‘good’ – ‘stimulates’ their marriage. May I say to those sisters that if you need pornography to stimulate your marriage, your marriage is in deep trouble, Sister. What is the difference between giving your husband pornography and giving him a mistress? [I know…you may not get a sexually transmitted disease from this. But wait. Once people get so deep into pornography, it WILL lead to other things. The lust will never be satisfied. Mix that together with the violent video games kids and adults are playing, and you’ve got REAL trouble].
Raising my grandsons from birth, it was many years before I would allow them into a “childrens’ church”. I always felt families should be together in church and believed it worked just fine throughout history for many, many years. Weren’t family units much stronger then? Wasn’t the fabric of Christian society much stronger? Why did things have to be presented on ‘their level’? Don’t we trust the Holy Spirit to be able to reach the little ones anymore? I am sure of one thing – there weren’t thousands of church abuse reports and thousands of scarred children back then.
I have a CD from many years ago which I haven’t listened to in many years. It is called THE ROLE OF CHILDREN IN THE MEETING OF THE CHURCH by Douglas W. Phillips, put out by Vision Forum. It confirmed everything I felt above. I can’t imagine the weight on your shoulders, Pastor, pastoring such a large church and reading articles like you mentioned. I have read extremely little on the Southern Baptist abuse but certainly know it exists and we grieve with you.
When the boys were a bit older and we were looking for a new church years ago, my friend invited me to her church. She said they had a great youth group and she and her husband were among the youth leaders. When we went, I wanted to stand in the back of the room and get a ‘feel’ for things as I didn’t believe in turning my boys over to ANYONE I don’t know. They stopped me immediately and would not let me take the boys upstairs and listen in for awhile. I can certainly understand, as it could open a door for predators, cause extreme problems in custody situations, and so on. But also, when people will not allow a parent to enter, it also sends up a ‘red flag’ to the parent – or it should. Not only do I want to hear what is being taught, but more importantly perhaps, I need to trust the Holy Spirit to let me get a ‘feel’ for the spirit that is in the classroom and in the leaders.
My hope is that people who may be steeped in some kind of sin will heed your call for repentance and reach out for help, Pastor, and many thanks to Pastor Jeff from Middletown for a really good similar message he shared with us last week. This war will be won in the WAR ROOM – in prayer. God bless you, Pastor. Thank you for sharing your heart. And God bless the parents and children facing the last days where evil is working overtime. But we have the assurance that every knee will bow and we already know Who’s won the war. However, we need to do our parts. We need to keep our eyes and ears open to protect the children and one another. And we need sanctification.
Dear Pastor Jarrod,
This is truly a hard subject matter. I will never forget the day, back when I was still a part of a youth group, that our senior pastor came to one of our youth group meetings. I remember thinking something exciting must be happening but I only felt shock after I learned that our youth pastor had been fired. He had been having an affair with a former youth member. She was 18 so there were no criminal charges but the hurt and consequences were far flung for so many of us that night.
I also have a father who has been convicted on three separate occasions, once of child abuse and twice of having and sharing child pornography. This is something we do not like to talk about. I honestly can’t think of anything else that is as shameful and hidden as this. When you think of a child molester most people envision monsters. Unfortunately, I see my dad.
I’m not the wisest person on this subject but I do wish people truly realized how dangerous pornography is. It’s like what I’ve heard you say before, “sin will take you further than you want to go and cost you more than you want to pay.” Not only do we need to be vigilant in protecting our children from predators but we also need to be vigilant in protecting them and ourselves and each other from pornography. And to that end I would say we need to aggressively shine a light on this issue. We need to be willing to talk about it! There is so much shame that it actively prevents people from getting the help that they need. If someone does come forward to seek help with any kind of sexual sin such as pornography they are often only shunned instead of helped.
My dad passed away a year and three months ago. I remember seeing a friend’s moving post about her father’s passing. I was too ashamed to write much about my dad when he passed but the truth is I loved him and I still love him. People who haven’t been touched by this kind of sin don’t understand that my dad was more than just his criminal record. He was often deeply depressed and felt trapped by his sin. I’m not excusing what he did of course; how can I when I’ve been hurt so deeply myself? There was a time when I hated him but things are seldom black and white and Jesus didn’t just pay for our “easy” sins He paid for all of our sins, including our most ugly. He forgave me so how could I turn around and not forgive my dad? But I don’t often share this because there is shame even in loving and forgiving someone who has done something so horrifying.
When it comes to something like this it’s hard for most people to truly understand how consuming it is. Shame keeps you from seeking help, it keeps you trapped in a never ending cycle of addiction. It breaks my heart to think of so many others who are affected by this type of sin. I truly feel for the victims but I also feel for the perpetrators and for their families. By not talking about this, by shaming and shunning people instead of trying to get them help or worse hiding their sins we only add to the hurt and destruction.
I suppose my point is thank you for writing about this. Even though it is hard to talk about, truly the ugliest of sins in many ways, not talking about it only makes it so much worse.
Thank you for talking about it. Taking advantage if an innocent person is heart breaking. Gavin DeBecker wrote, Protecting the Gift, a must read. Teaches adults what to teach children so they can safe from predators. Also, Ken Wooden’s, Child Lures, a workbook to go over with your children to practice scenarios to recognize a lure. Debbi Pearl has 2 children’s book about keeping your body safe from pedators. We can teach are children how to protect themselves!
For me personally, I was ill-equipped to deal with this; especially when it hit so close to home…my “Christian” home! The revelation immediately dissolved my marriage and made me question Everything. Yet, the worst part was the sides that were taken in the Church.
The predator is currently in another church having their elders praying that “he” can forgive me; how ironic!. Early on, I recall someone asking me how did I feel about God, and my response was clear, while this person destroyed my trust-He doesn’t get to take my Faith too!! Many would turn their backs on God, falling into questioning how He could allow something so heinous to occur and continue for so many years and I was extremely Hurt at the Devastation that seemed to envelope, not only my life, but the lives of those that were close to us- for they too felt the ripple effect of this Crime. The person I trusted most, whom I went before God and pledged my Love to, utterly defiled the very meaning of that word and instead used a child, MY child for their own pleasure. Now Two years removed and I can not believe how God carried me through this situation and continues to do so. But the hurt is something that continues to this day.
What I am left with at this point, is the fact that this is such a difficult topic to discuss which makes it even more difficult to heal from. Child sexual abuse is a lifetime scar- it does not go away or get better. The victims live with daily reminders, triggers and even PTSD. And these are silent victims often go unrecognized living with a new Shame, like a scarlet Letter. When the predator is respected and active in his church and community, it makes what he did even more Unbelievable. Which is why my word of wisdom is yes, pray for the victims, but pray also for those church members, that when/if this comes to light they will not Judge the Victim because they are so blinded by the Wolf in sheeps Clothing!