Speak+Truth (1)The time will come when we must confront loved ones with truth to protect them from themselves and/or protect others from them.

Love always involves truth. Truth should always involve love. If you have truth, but not love, you will sound like a gong (1 Cor. 13:1). They will hear nothing you say, only the way you say it. If you have love, but not truth, you most likely won’t confront at all. Or worse, you’ll unintentionally endorse or excuse their sin and their self-destructive and others-destructive behavior.

The balance is speaking the truth in love. But what’s the best way to do so? Consider these:

Motive
Are you grieving, burdened, and fearful for them? Or do you look down on their choices and behaviors as if you are above those choices and behaviors (and therefore above them)? Do you see yourself beyond being tempted by or behaving in ways that they are? Have you taken the log out of your own eye (Matt. 7:3-5)? By the way, never hide behind that question as a reason not to confront either. We must deal with our own logs (sins, secrets, failures, habits, shortcomings), nail them to the cross, and with the grace of God go to the one we are burdened for, grieving for, and kept awake at night for.

Timing
There is no easy answer about the timing of confronting someone with truth in love. It comes down to specific situations and the specifics of those situations. Wisdom is a must. Proverbs 15:23– “To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!” A word in season…. The timing of your words is crucial when confronting someone. The right word at the wrong time can be damaging, hurtful, even relationship ending. Keep praying for yourself and them until the time is right.

Tone
Tone is everything. Everything! You can have the right motive, the right timing, but if your tone is off, you’ve lost your opportunity—perhaps for good. That’s why you never confront in a text, email, Facebook message, or letter. I’ve learned this the hard way. Tone cannot be communicated properly in those forms. It’s a one way conversation. Perhaps a hand-written letter as a last resort, but just that—a last resort. Truth and love is displayed when you take the time and energy to courageously risk your relationship with the person and meet with them face to face to share your heart. But tone—facial expression, body language, verbal language—matters.

For the hardest heart Solomon writes, “A soft tongue breaks the bone” (Proverbs 25:15). “Bone”… the hardened heart of defiance and resistance they carry toward you and your words (Tim Keller). Perhaps they even wield a verbal bat toward you! Don’t waver in your love and truth. Don’t lose courage. Wield the truth like a bone-cracking feather in loving motive, loving timing, loving tone.

addictionI came across this in a doctor’s office a couple of weeks ago. Sobering, literally. Had to share…

If this letter speaks to you, please get help. Cry out to Jesus. Plead to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Call a friend or family member to surrender yourself to get help. Call a pastor. Call a counselor. Join a group. Fight for your life. May today be the first day of your freedom.
Continue Reading…

Sabbatical Reflections

June 26, 2016 — 27 Comments

JJFireIt’s good to be back. I’ve been on a Sabbatical of rest and reflection for the last seven weeks. What a tremendous gift from Grace’s elder team and the Grace family. I can’t believe the seven weeks are already over. But I’m ready to jump back into the joyful grind of preaching, leadership, and ministry.

In the coming days and weeks I know I’ll be getting questions about my sabbatical. So I thought I’d answer a few here. Continue Reading…

JJ

Getting the last laugh

March 28, 2016 — 2 Comments

 images (1)“A laugh freed forever and ever” wrote poet Patrick Kavnagh in his description of Jesus’ resurrection. If true, then today is Easter Monday. Tomorrow is Easter Tuesday. This summer is Easter summer.  Jesus’ resurrection is not a holiday hope but an everyday hope for the believer. Jesus dances on his own grave, forever. You’ll dance with him, forever. Jesus’ resurrection will give you the daily strength and courage needed to face head-on the painful sorrows of life, and bear the deepest scars of life.   In fact, His resurrection simply means you will get the last laugh…forever.